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Last Things First
By Fr. Dennis | June 16, 2008
Tomorrow at 10AM I am presiding at my first funeral. I’m a little nervous because it’s my first one, but I don’t think it will be that difficult.
It’s not going to be a mass because, while the deceased is Catholic, no one else is (except me, the priest, of course). The funeral service will take place at the funeral home. I went through the ritual this afternoon, and I feel like I can get through it without too much fuss.
Toward the end, I will be trying out the idea of letting someone speak about the deceased on behalf of the family. We can fight about whether that’s a good idea or not, but I’m planning on doing it anyway. It’s pretty much expected as the norm in the African-American community, and I want to do what I can to accommodate their customs.
I hope it goes well. I won’t name him on this blog, but if you remember to pray for the deceased of my first funeral which takes place tomorrow, I would appreciate it.
Topics: Liturgy |
June 16th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I think it’s nice to let someone speak on behalf of the family. People really seem to want to do that. We didn’t do it for my mother’s funeral, but in that case our priest knew Mama pretty well. But I know that my pastor has been grateful for a family member’s thoughts when it’s a person he is not familiar with. He does a homily and the family member gets to speak after communion.
June 16th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
“We can fight about whether that’s a good idea or not…”
I find that’s mostly useless with priests. They’re going to do what they’re going to do.
But as to letting someone speak about the deceased, I really don’t have an opinion about that.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:25 am
and you will continue to be used for the rest of your life
stand in the gap
be a light in the darkness
honor the customs
point to Jesus
June 17th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Look at it this way - the guest of honor won’t complain.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Look at it this way - the guest of honor won’t comlain.
Which is what makes funerals so much better than weddings!
July 16th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
What does the Church say about lay talks at funerals?
Could not the family talk be done at the function afterwards? Will the person be canonised during the talk?
Why are you not capitalising Holy Mass?
July 16th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Sharon, I have to be honest with you. Your comment is more than a little condescending, and it’s not the kind of thing I am accustomed to seeing on my blog. I’m just not into the whole “I’m more orthodox than you are” game. It reminds me too much of that Pharisee who thanked God that he was not like the publicans and tax collectors. It’s something I myself used to enjoy, but I’ve tried to give it up.
To treat your questions seriously, though, here are my responses, off the top of my head. I’m willing to be corrected about anything on which Mother Church holds a definitive answer and I am found outside her just limitations.
The Church does allow for pious exhortations of the faithful at certain times, as long as they are not confused as homilies, and as long as, in the judgment of the minister, they help meet the pastoral needs of the people. For instance, it is permissible to allow a lay person to speak after Communion, if it is not done on a regular basis, and if there is a pastorally good reason to allow it. A sister might talk briefly about vocations. Or a missionary might ask for financial support. Or a family member can say something on behalf of the family at a funeral.
In this particular case, the deceased person’s 9-year-old daughter simply wanted to say, “I love you, Daddy, and I miss you, and I hope I will see you again in heaven one day,” but then she got cold feet, as children do sometimes, and she did not come forward when I invited her.
It was scheduled at the end of the liturgy, just before the Final Commendation. It was not a mass, by the way, as I’m sure you noticed.
Also, no one is ever canonised by lay persons giving talks at funerals. A lay person cannot canonise anyone. Mother Church has a procedure for that, and it doesn’t happen at funerals. But I think you meant that question rhetorically.
Spelling conventions, including capitalisations, are not part of the laws of the Church, neither universally nor in local law as established by the hierarchy under which I minister. The question presumes that I ought to be capitalising something. I’ll just give you my impression though. Your question comes across as a not-so-subtle “you’re clearly not orthodox/pious/holy/whatever enough” dig at me, whom you have never met.
I have lots of flaws, though, so your prayers for my ongoing conversion are welcome.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Well, I know you don’t need me to prove to you that I’m holier than you are, so I’ll just say this.
Mass, when one is speaking about the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, is a proper noun and, therefore, ought to be capitalized. This is an act of charity towards those who are reading what you write and will help them to understand that you are talking about a liturgical event and not, for example, a mass of ectoplasm, if there CAN be a mass of ectoplasm–I’m not sure; it might be incorporeal.
It is also an act of charity towards those who might be scandalized if you neglect to capitalize it.
My question is whether or not it is a sin to be obnoxious to a priest. I don’t think so. I hope not.
AMDG,
Janet
July 18th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Well, Janet, you ARE, in fact, holier than me, so, no, I don’t need proof of that.
Your argument for capitalizing “Mass” is interesting. It deserves consideration. The possibility of someone confusing it for a different word in English related to an amount of matter is a good reason to make the distinction clear with the use of capital letters.
I think if it is in your nature to be obnoxious, then you’re not responsible. There you go. Off the hook.
July 21st, 2008 at 8:05 am
I think that if I WERE holier than anybody, I wouldn’t be so foolish as to joke about it.
AMDG,
Janet